Live Free or Die Hard 3/5 review by Chris (Joe)
“Now I have a machine gun…Ho…Ho…Ho.” Awesome. It is time for John McClane again and my balls are ready to be rocked! Tune in below to find out if they were.
Live Free or Die Hard
(the most confusing title ever?)
-In theaters now-
IMDB synopsis:
John McClane takes on an Internet-based terrorist organization who is systematically shutting down the United States.
Chris’s review:
I am currently 26. So, I grew up pretty much smack in the middle of the Die Hard heyday. That pleases me because I like the Die Hard movies. They are = awesome. Needless to say, I was pretty excited to hear that Bruce would be back telling me he has a machine gun now, and that he was always more partial to Roy Rogers. However, my fears started to develop when I saw that this 4th movie would be rated PG-13 when the previous 3 were all R. How do you do a Die Hard movie without getting an R rating? Well, we found out with the fourth movie now didn’t we?
The lack of an R rating didn’t actually seem to be an issue, I have to admit. I didn’t feel like anything was really lacking as far as henchmen getting killed, or cuss words. Maybe an R in the 80s is only a PG-13 in our modern times. That was a pleasant surprise.
The main problem though is this: this movie didn’t have to be a Die Hard movie. What I mean by that is if you plucked out John McClane and insert random bad ass good guy you’d pretty much have the same movie. The plot and villain are both VERY generic and underwhelming, which felt like a bit of rip off because the other Die Hards have had such memorable villains. In this go-round we have stereotypical disgruntled ex Department of Defense employee that TRIED to warn the government about the weaknesses in their computer security infrastructure, but they ignored him. So what does he do? Well, he hacks the government and causes mass chaos, of course! ZZZZZZZZZ…that is it? That is the AWESOME plot that we resurrected the great John McClane for? As I said, the plot and villain are LAME!
BUT!…
For some reason, you almost don’t really care. Now I do say ALMOST because toward the end of the movie I was starting to get a little beaten down by the talentless hack that they had delivering the retarded lines as the big scary (tiny, not scary) evil, brilliant, bad guy. Still, up until the end, I was able to write off the short comings in the big scheme and antagonist. Instead, I was just so glad to see Bruce as John again doing things that John is good at (shooting, jumping, killing henchmen, driving, cussing, saying one-liners, etc.). Further, there are at least 4 or 5 REALLY great, instantly classic, action sequences. THAT made it feel like a Die Hard movie. There are big shoes to fill as far as memorable action sequences in Die Hard movies. Try and tell me you don’t remember John jumping off of a 35 story office building with nothing but a fire hose tied around his waist as the whole roof goes up in a giant C4 blast or blowing up a 747 with a zippo lighter just as it is taking off. Come on! Greatness. I think a couple of action sequences in the new movie CERTAINLY fall right in line with that strong precedent set by it’s predecessors.
All in all, I think you’ll want to see this movie on the big screen and you probably won’t regret the time or money spent. Just fight through the overly generic bad guy and his terribly boring evil plan and sit back enjoy John McClane proving that he really does Die Hard…or something…I don’t know, that sounded stupid.
Chris’s recommendations:
See this movie if…
-You are a big Die Hard, or action movie fan. You will have a good time.
-You like Justin Long in anything he’s ever done, because he always plays the same character, and he doesn’t divert from that pattern in this film. I don’t think that is really a bad thing…he’s funny.
-You are off work for the 4th of July and watching ambiguously western European thugs get shot by one hard ass mother f’er makes you feel damned proud to be an American…as it rightfully should.
Don’t see this movie if…
-All of the above do not apply to you.
-You’re the jerk off that sits in the theater during an action movie and blurts out “Oh, yeah right, like THAT could really happen” every 5 minutes. I hate those people…it is a freaking action movie…OF COURSE it couldn’t really happen…THAT IS WHY IT IS AN ACTION MOVIE! Ass.
-You’re in the mood for substance. You will be disappointed. This is a straight forward, in your face, blow stuff up, action movie…don’t make any mistake about that.
Live Free or Die Hard
(the most confusing title ever?)
-In theaters now-
IMDB synopsis:
John McClane takes on an Internet-based terrorist organization who is systematically shutting down the United States.
Chris’s review:
I am currently 26. So, I grew up pretty much smack in the middle of the Die Hard heyday. That pleases me because I like the Die Hard movies. They are = awesome. Needless to say, I was pretty excited to hear that Bruce would be back telling me he has a machine gun now, and that he was always more partial to Roy Rogers. However, my fears started to develop when I saw that this 4th movie would be rated PG-13 when the previous 3 were all R. How do you do a Die Hard movie without getting an R rating? Well, we found out with the fourth movie now didn’t we?
The lack of an R rating didn’t actually seem to be an issue, I have to admit. I didn’t feel like anything was really lacking as far as henchmen getting killed, or cuss words. Maybe an R in the 80s is only a PG-13 in our modern times. That was a pleasant surprise.
The main problem though is this: this movie didn’t have to be a Die Hard movie. What I mean by that is if you plucked out John McClane and insert random bad ass good guy you’d pretty much have the same movie. The plot and villain are both VERY generic and underwhelming, which felt like a bit of rip off because the other Die Hards have had such memorable villains. In this go-round we have stereotypical disgruntled ex Department of Defense employee that TRIED to warn the government about the weaknesses in their computer security infrastructure, but they ignored him. So what does he do? Well, he hacks the government and causes mass chaos, of course! ZZZZZZZZZ…that is it? That is the AWESOME plot that we resurrected the great John McClane for? As I said, the plot and villain are LAME!
BUT!…
For some reason, you almost don’t really care. Now I do say ALMOST because toward the end of the movie I was starting to get a little beaten down by the talentless hack that they had delivering the retarded lines as the big scary (tiny, not scary) evil, brilliant, bad guy. Still, up until the end, I was able to write off the short comings in the big scheme and antagonist. Instead, I was just so glad to see Bruce as John again doing things that John is good at (shooting, jumping, killing henchmen, driving, cussing, saying one-liners, etc.). Further, there are at least 4 or 5 REALLY great, instantly classic, action sequences. THAT made it feel like a Die Hard movie. There are big shoes to fill as far as memorable action sequences in Die Hard movies. Try and tell me you don’t remember John jumping off of a 35 story office building with nothing but a fire hose tied around his waist as the whole roof goes up in a giant C4 blast or blowing up a 747 with a zippo lighter just as it is taking off. Come on! Greatness. I think a couple of action sequences in the new movie CERTAINLY fall right in line with that strong precedent set by it’s predecessors.
All in all, I think you’ll want to see this movie on the big screen and you probably won’t regret the time or money spent. Just fight through the overly generic bad guy and his terribly boring evil plan and sit back enjoy John McClane proving that he really does Die Hard…or something…I don’t know, that sounded stupid.
Chris’s recommendations:
See this movie if…
-You are a big Die Hard, or action movie fan. You will have a good time.
-You like Justin Long in anything he’s ever done, because he always plays the same character, and he doesn’t divert from that pattern in this film. I don’t think that is really a bad thing…he’s funny.
-You are off work for the 4th of July and watching ambiguously western European thugs get shot by one hard ass mother f’er makes you feel damned proud to be an American…as it rightfully should.
Don’t see this movie if…
-All of the above do not apply to you.
-You’re the jerk off that sits in the theater during an action movie and blurts out “Oh, yeah right, like THAT could really happen” every 5 minutes. I hate those people…it is a freaking action movie…OF COURSE it couldn’t really happen…THAT IS WHY IT IS AN ACTION MOVIE! Ass.
-You’re in the mood for substance. You will be disappointed. This is a straight forward, in your face, blow stuff up, action movie…don’t make any mistake about that.
posted by Joe Punchface at 8:58 AM
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