Smokin' Aces 1/5 review by Chris (Joe)
Strap in fair reader, this is gonna be quick and painful. (Please note ONE of those words also applies to the film reviewed below. See if you can tell which!)
Smokin’ Aces
-Now in theaters-
IMDB synopsis:
When a Las Vegas performer-turned-snitch named Buddy Israel decides to turn state's evidence and testify against the mob, it seems that a whole lot of people would like to make sure he's no longer breathing.
Chris’s review:
This movie sucks. There isn’t much more to say than that. I went in hopes that the large ensemble cast would be used in a clever, and humorous romp of a film with a lot of over the top action and good laughs. That is what the previews made me BELIEVE I would see, anyway. Instead I was treated to an over the top wannabe Tarantino movie failure.
Everything that you like about movies like Reservoir Dogs was ripped off and thrown together in very ineffective ways in this bloody mess of a movie. Added to the disappointment is the terribly obvious “twist” ending which just adds insult to injury. I felt like someone was laughing at me somewhere in the back of the theater saying: “haha, you sat all the way through this poorly shot, poorly written, poorly directed piece of crap and to top it all off, the really dumb twist ending that you predicted 10 minutes in IS the actual ending. HA!” Damn you mystery antagonist in the back of the theater!
Yeah, that’s right…the FBI agent from the 50s that went undercover to infiltrate the mob actually DID become the mob boss instead of being killed by him and then didn’t order a ‘hit’ on Buddy “Aces” Israel but instead ordered him to be picked up for a heart transplant because Buddy is actually his son! Forgive me, the FIRST part of that is the part you figure out 10 minutes in to the movie (unless you are an idiot), the latter part just makes SO little sense when all is said and done that there was no point in figuring it out because if you actually tried your head would explode.
Anyway, I’m done talking about this movie. I’m sorry this was a give up review, but seriously I don’t even want to try to describe why this movie sucks. It is just your generic Hollywood crapfest full of terrible cliché’s, bad writing, worse directing, and pretty lame performances despite the fact that the cast looked encouraging. Poor Jason Bateman, I love the man more than life itself, but WHY JASON WHY?!?!?
Don’t waste your money on this movie. Furthermore, don’t waste a rental or a netflix order. You’ll thank me later.
Chris’s recommendations:
See this movie if…
-You didn’t read anything I wrote above and also didn’t see that I gave it a 1/5. If that is the case, go right ahead your fool.
-It’s free, no, even better, if you’re getting PAID to see it and the theater is filled with beautiful naked women and they are pumping air borne date rape drugs in to the theater as well as handing out free bottles of top shelf liquor and fine Cuban cigars. THEN it would be worth sitting through this movie.
-You are blind and deaf and just need a comfy, dark place to sit down and have a rest.
Don’t see this movie if…
-Anything else is playing…and I do mean ANYTHING…except maybe Eragon…Ben said that movie REALLY sucked. (p.s. who the hell is Ben? What happened to Skankins?)
-You have taste.
-You believe killing innocent baby puppies is wrong. But if you are all for puppy killing then go right ahead you sick freak.
Smokin’ Aces
-Now in theaters-
IMDB synopsis:
When a Las Vegas performer-turned-snitch named Buddy Israel decides to turn state's evidence and testify against the mob, it seems that a whole lot of people would like to make sure he's no longer breathing.
Chris’s review:
This movie sucks. There isn’t much more to say than that. I went in hopes that the large ensemble cast would be used in a clever, and humorous romp of a film with a lot of over the top action and good laughs. That is what the previews made me BELIEVE I would see, anyway. Instead I was treated to an over the top wannabe Tarantino movie failure.
Everything that you like about movies like Reservoir Dogs was ripped off and thrown together in very ineffective ways in this bloody mess of a movie. Added to the disappointment is the terribly obvious “twist” ending which just adds insult to injury. I felt like someone was laughing at me somewhere in the back of the theater saying: “haha, you sat all the way through this poorly shot, poorly written, poorly directed piece of crap and to top it all off, the really dumb twist ending that you predicted 10 minutes in IS the actual ending. HA!” Damn you mystery antagonist in the back of the theater!
Yeah, that’s right…the FBI agent from the 50s that went undercover to infiltrate the mob actually DID become the mob boss instead of being killed by him and then didn’t order a ‘hit’ on Buddy “Aces” Israel but instead ordered him to be picked up for a heart transplant because Buddy is actually his son! Forgive me, the FIRST part of that is the part you figure out 10 minutes in to the movie (unless you are an idiot), the latter part just makes SO little sense when all is said and done that there was no point in figuring it out because if you actually tried your head would explode.
Anyway, I’m done talking about this movie. I’m sorry this was a give up review, but seriously I don’t even want to try to describe why this movie sucks. It is just your generic Hollywood crapfest full of terrible cliché’s, bad writing, worse directing, and pretty lame performances despite the fact that the cast looked encouraging. Poor Jason Bateman, I love the man more than life itself, but WHY JASON WHY?!?!?
Don’t waste your money on this movie. Furthermore, don’t waste a rental or a netflix order. You’ll thank me later.
Chris’s recommendations:
See this movie if…
-You didn’t read anything I wrote above and also didn’t see that I gave it a 1/5. If that is the case, go right ahead your fool.
-It’s free, no, even better, if you’re getting PAID to see it and the theater is filled with beautiful naked women and they are pumping air borne date rape drugs in to the theater as well as handing out free bottles of top shelf liquor and fine Cuban cigars. THEN it would be worth sitting through this movie.
-You are blind and deaf and just need a comfy, dark place to sit down and have a rest.
Don’t see this movie if…
-Anything else is playing…and I do mean ANYTHING…except maybe Eragon…Ben said that movie REALLY sucked. (p.s. who the hell is Ben? What happened to Skankins?)
-You have taste.
-You believe killing innocent baby puppies is wrong. But if you are all for puppy killing then go right ahead you sick freak.
posted by Joe Punchface at 9:25 AM
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