Ultimate Avengers 2 2/5 reviewed by Mike

Ultimate Avengers 2 is the latest in Marvel Comics' line of straight to DVD films, and if my information serves me correct, it is officailly their second fully animated feature film, the first being Ultimate Avergers: The Movie, which went straight to DVD several months ago.

I didn't write an official review for the last Avengers movie, but if I had, I would have given it a solid 3. Yes, it was a little campy, and "saturday-morning-cartoon-ish" but I expected that going into it, and was still genuinely entertained. As for this sequel, this is one of those films that really rides the line between a 2 and a 3.

The films are loosely based off the smash hit comic book "The Ultimates" by Mark Millar and Brian Hitch. This comic is truly great--its a total revamp of Marvels old classic Avengers--told in a dark and gritty setting with deep characterization at its heart. The films tell a slightly watered-down version of the stories from the books. The basic idea is that an alien race was helping the Nazis during WWII, and if not for Captain America, Hitler's boys would have launched nukes onto US soil. Of course, Cap got frozen under the ocean because of that incident, and awakes in our time to find that the same aliens are still up to no good, and he has to assemble the Avengers (Iron Man, Black Widow, The Wasp, Giant Man, Thor, all under the direction of Nick Fury) to stop them. Also we have the added benefit of The Hulk going on rampages, even though Bruce Banner is trying to help the team. That was the first movie's plot--this sequel picks up where the first left off--our evil aliens are still at work, only this time in the hidden country of Wakanda, where a new super hero--the Black Panther--lives. So, the Avengers have to team up with Black Panther to give the aliens what-for.


Obviously the comics never deal with Black Panther - this movie strays far away from the plot of the comics, and thats what I think causes the biggest problems. Without a solid Mark Millar story to work from, the plot these writers produce is bland and full of logic problems--the biggest one being that although the Hulk breaks out and you think he's going to destroy everything--you never see it happen because the movie ends. The first film may have been kiddish, but at least it had a plot arc. This story is more like an excuse to have some action scenes, and after a while, the credits roll--there's no real story.

The characters are dissapointing as well. All of the uniqueness and depth of the comic characters are taken away to keep it kid-friendly. We don't see Iron Man struggling with alcoholism, we don't see Giant Man beating his wife, and her emotional struggles because of it. Everyone becomes a generic stereotypish character. The voice acting also leaves a bit to be desired. It's not awful, but Black Widow's over-the-top russian accent pretty much kills any scene she's in. The animation itself isn't bad, but it could easily be a lot better. It's over simplistic, feels rushed, doesn't flow very well, and the CGI stuff doesn't blend at all, and feels really awkward. I will say that I thought the coloring on this sequel was better than the original.

Even with all these problems, I still found myself entertained, and I didn't feel like I had wasted my money. There's plenty of good action, and because it's aimed at a younger audience - a younger audience would really enjoy it. If this movie came out when I was in 8th grade, I would have loved it. If you like superheroes, you'll probably atleast find this film entertaining for the time it takes to watch, although you'd be better off just sticking to the first film. However, there is a really cool special feature on the disc where Millar and Hitch as well as Joe Quesada and other Marvelites are interviewed at length. I actually enjoyed the featurette as much as I did the film. If you buy the DVD at Target, you get treated to an additional disc that contains a bunch of comics you can read on your computer, which is pretty awesome.

All in all, it doesn't quite measure up to the work Bruce Timm has done on the DC animated stuff (Batman, Superman, and Justice League) but its still a fun, entertaing superhero saturday afternoon fun film. Just don't expect the depth thats in the comics--go read them!

See this movie if:
-You have been an Avengers fan for a long time, or you're younger than me
-You want some nostalgic, fun superhero action thats fairly mindless
-It's a lazy day off, and you want to relax. Pop some corn and watch Cap beat up some aliens!

Don't see this movie if:
-You're hoping its a faithful adaptaion of Millar and Hitch's brilliant "Ultimates" comics
-You don't like superheroes, especially simplistic ones
-You're expecting an equivalent to Bruce Timm's animated DC work

The Illusionist 2/5 reviewed by Chris

I have a magical talent. I have an innate ability to sense a movie’s quality before seeing it. It is like a “good-movie-radar,” if you will. More often than not it is reliable. BOY, DID IT FAIL FOR THIS ONE!!!

The Illusionist

-Now in theaters-

Chris’s review:
To elaborate on my intro…there is a sad fact about the Critic Crew that I must divulge. Mike and I are just average Joes with little to no money and we do this out of our love of film, not because we are being paid to do it. Thus, we shell out the same hard earned cash that any moviegoer must shell out when we want to see a movie. Now, having little to no money and yet having to pay to go enjoy an art form that I know and love I often find myself in a bit of a conundrum. Hence, I have developed a 6th sense when it comes to evaluating the potential quality of a film before I see it. I use this ability in hopes that I will not have to pay the painful 12 to 18 dollars to go see a BAD movie unnecessarily (note that I am unfailingly accompanied by my lovely companion Taryn to movies, thus it is a sure thing that I will be buying two tickets often).

Unfortunately for me, my ability to weed out bad films and only spend money on something of higher quality failed miserably yesterday.

By all signs The Illusionist should be a good film. Maybe not GREAT, but in the very least GOOD, with strong potential to be GREAT. The signs were WRONG. This movie was wretched!!!

The story is trite and redundant, the plot is lame and regurgitated, and even the characters being played by very capable actors seem thin and underdeveloped. The ONLY saving grace of this film is the cinematography. The film has a very cool look but it hardly makes up for all its other shortcomings.

It pains me to say so, because I have a strong love for both Edward Norton and Paul Giamatti. I will say that both perform well, but with little or NO character to develop it is hard to give them a big nod.

More disappointing is the apparent rave reviews this movie is garnering. WHY?!?!? Every part of this movie has been done before and BETTER! It is a hodge-podge of characters, story “twists,” period, and feel that are anything but original!

Disappointment is the word that will best conclude this review. Not only in this flat and boring film but also in my previously reliable talent for seeking out only the best films to spend my hard earned dollar on.

Sigh...kill me.


Chris’s recommendations:
See this movie if…
-Just don’t, ‘nuff said.

Don’t see this movie if…
-You really like Edward Norton or Paul Giamatti…you will be disappointed because a failed director/screenplay adaptor has given them NOTHING to work with as far a REAL characters.
-You value 2 hours of your life and would rather not waste it.
-You have my phone number…call me instead and we’ll watch a DVD or something.

Snakes on a Plane 3/5 reviewed by Mike

What can I really say about this movie? You probably already know whether or not you're going to see it--and normal movie rules don't really apply... This belongs to that rare and special category of film: The "B" Movie. I'm a B-Movie fanatic, I love things like Evil Dead 2, Bubba Hotep, Turkish Star Wars, and Fantasy Mission Force. That said, I loved Snakes on a Plane. It's one of those special movies that can simultaneously be the worst and best thing you've ever seen.

Luckily, no one is trying to pass this off as a serious movie. The plot is simple and direct: a witness to an organized crime murder must travel from Hawaii to LA so he can testify. Of course, the crime boss decides that the normal methods of assasination, poison, hitmen, etc. are played out, and he decides instead to put a butt-load of poisonous snakes on board the plane (on a time release with a big countdown clock, no less!) Hilarity ensues.

Of course the movie is nothing without Sam Jackson, who doesn't even really act in this movie, he just walks around and kicks butt--or, whatever snakes have in their rear area... I mean, the first line out of his mouth is, "Do what I say, and you live!" We're also treated to such poignant thoughts as, "we've gotta create a barrier between us and the snakes!" as well as the already heavily quoted "I'm sick and tired..." line, after which the theatre I was in applauded and cheered in joyous unison.

The movie never takes itself seriously, and thats why its awesome - the dialouge is crap, the CGI is awful, theres just enough characterization for it to be satirizing hollywood action flicks, the deaths are even pretty funny--I found myself cheering for the snakes half the time, who seem to have an affinity for biting reproductive organs and sensitive female parts. There's even a great moment where in one frame it's the middle of the night, and the very next moment, it looks like high noon... I haven't seen that since... oh wait, X3 did that... During the credits, we are treated to a hilarious music video that seems to be making fun of rap/hip-hop, emo and pop-punk all at the same time.

The big question on my mind is whether or not the makers of this really set out to make such a scathing satire of action movies (which is scary in its accuracy) or whether they thought they were really making a good movie. Sam seems to be having fun with it, even poking fun at himself. Whether or not director David Ellis or the writers (of which there are FOUR) know this is comedy and not action/drama is something only they can know for sure.

See this movie if:
-You love B movies that make fun of themselves
-You love seeing Sam Jackson be such a BAMF that its rediculous
-You're in a good mood, and want it to stay there

Don't see this movie if:
-You're expecting something deep with relationships and character development
-You're not old enough to see or offended by some nakedness
-You think Michael Bay films are deep, thought provoking looks into the human condition

Talladega Nights 2/5 reviewed by Mike

If time is money, then this movie costs a lot more than nine dollars, which, in and of itself is a crime. Of course, with movie prices on the rise again, it's going to take a whole lot to impress me--or maybe I'm just picky. Whatever the case, this movie is yet one more in a long string of Hollwood cash-in generic flicks designed to waste your time and make you leave the theatre slightly less smart than when you came in.

The plot is simple, and if you've seen the trailers, you've pretty much seen the whole film. Ricky Bobby (Ferrell) is a man who is born (literally) for one thing: The need for speed. Through a fluke chance that only happens in movies, he finds himself behind the wheel of a Nascar racer, and quickly makes a name for himself as one of the best, and most reckless drivers around, with the help of his unnassuming idiot best friend (John C. Reilly). Of course we wouldn't have a movie without a terrible downfall to build back up from, and that happens fairly quickly when Ricky gets in a horrible accident trying to win against a new racer, Jean Girard (Sacha Baron Cohen--yeah, the 'Ali G' guy) who is a gay frenchman with a really overdone accent. He's also married to a bearded Andy Richter. The accident causes Ricky to loose not only races, but his "smokin' hot" wife and all his cash as well. After a dissapointing reunion with his deadbeat transient father (Gary Cole), Ricky finds the strentgh to have sex with the token nerdy-but-hot chick and get back in the game.

If you've seen any of Ferrell's (or Sandlers, or Farley's, or any old 90s SNL cast member's) movies, you know the schtick: Token idiot guy being so very beyond stupid, gets somehow vindicated by getting the girl and success, etc. etc. There's nothing different here, except a noted attempt to tone down the humor to make it PG13. What made movies like "Wedding Crashers" or "Anchorman" so funny waas the off the wall humor and complete embracing of the 'R' rating. I'm not saying a movie has to be rated R to be funny, but with this kind of humor, if you don't go farther, there's nothing stopping it from being a generic teen sex-joke movie, which is basically what it ends up being. You can almost see on the screen how hard the actors are holding back to keep from being offensive, which is wierd cause there's still a ton of language in this film. All this makes for a really forgettable experience. If I could describe this movie with one word, it would be "boring." I had to fight to pay attention to the film, my mind was wandering away so much.

What saddens me is that this movie has so much opportunity to become a really smart satire, and make comments about american consumerism, stereotyping, and broken family relationships, but in the end, there's nothing that rises above "stupid guys being stupid." It's like "Beavis and Butthead Do Nascar." The film spends the whole time riding the line between PG13 and R, making for a really boring ride. It also rides the line between "serious story" comedy, and "insane completely unrealistic comedy." At times, it looks like this is going to be Anchorman, with News-team gang fights, and that kindof stuff, but then we are treated to long family togetherness sequences--and at one point, an excruciating scene where Ferrell watches sadly as his father walks out on him yet again, while the sad piano music fades up...


There are, however, some genuinely funny moments in the film. I can count them with two hands, but they are there--I did laugh out loud more than a few times, and not all the funny parts were in the trailers. I won't spoil them for you here, though. While most of the actors have well-timed delivery, the chemistry between the characters here isn't nearly as good as it was in Anchorman, although its far from being bad. There's also a lot of respect paid to Nascar and it's fans--this movie doesn't set out to make fun of Nascar, but to praise it, although I think a bit too much. Am I the only southerner who thinks racing is worth making fun of a little bit?

The worst thing about Talladega Nights is the fact that the joke is not on screen, but in the seats. I bet studio executives laugh at every ticket sold, because this movie probably cost nothing to make. There's not one single shot in the film that doesn't have gigantic endorsements covering half the screen. At one point, we are actually treated to a full-length, uninteruppted Applebee's commercial--right in the middle of the movie! I guess moviegoers were complaining so much about the ads before films, that executives got smart and thought they'd just put them right in the middle of the movie instead. This movie is the poster child of generic, cash-cow, summer drivel. Please send Hollywood a message that this junk won't keep selling...

See this movie if:
-You think seeing Ferrell run around in his underwear screaming is still funny.
-You're really, really bored, and this thing has gone to the $1 theatre.
-You watch TV only for the commercials

Don't see this movie if:
-You already own "Wedding Crashers" or "Anchorman." Just pop those in the player instead.
-You like smart satire that makes a good point in a funny way.
-You have anything else to do.