Hot Fuzz 5/5 reviewed by Mike

Sometimes, you go into a movie with high expectations. In that case, even if the movie is good, you leave disappointed if the movie fails to live up to those high expectations. Hot Fuzz, however, is the complete opposite. I thought it was going to be good. But I haven't left the theater this happy in quite a while.

From the makers (and some of the cast) of Shaun of the Dead, this movie works on two levels: being simultaneously a parody of, and love letter to, the over-the-top action movie genre. I dare say that this film does what "Team America" did, but does it even better. That's saying a lot my friends. Edgar Wright (director, writer) and Simon Pegg (the star, who also has a writing credit) must have studied action movies. This movie nails it on the head, turning mundane tasks into fast-cutting, camera-spinning full blown action explosions. When the action really heats up, it gets even more poignant (read: ridiculous), managing to make every line a brutal stab (or heartfelt embrace) to every ridiculous action movie ever made.

The story is fairly predictable (with the normal "action" twists, made even more ridiculous by the setting), following a tough as nails cop who is reassigned to work in a stupidly peaceful small country town where he feels like he is wasting his time. But then, murders start happening, and, well, it just gets freakin' hilarious. All the actors do a brilliant job at their parts (especially Tim Dalton, with the creepiest mustache smile ever), intelligently making fun of their stereotypical counterparts without doing the normal thing of falling into self-parody. Plus everyone's British, which makes the whole thing funnier. The movie's pacing is quick, and the wit is sharp, and jokes are embedded in every nook and cranny of the framing, camera work, music, sound effects, writing, and acting... absolutely bloody brilliant in every possible aspect of the craft.

If there's anything bad to say, it's that the film is pretty long. Although, there was really only one moment where I started getting bored, and right about when that happened, a very old woman got jump-kicked in the face, and I was right back in the action.

American comedy writers should study films like this. Go kick off the summer movie season with this gem. I just might have to see it again.

Disturbia 2/5 review by Chris (Joe)

Good thing (or bad) that this was a free screening from my radio station, or I might be pretty sad about my lost money. Hooray free!

Disturbia



-In theaters now-

IMDB synopsis:
A teen living under house arrest becomes convinced his neighbor is a serial killer.
*Yeah, I know what you are saying…and to answer your question: Yes, this is basically the old Hitchcock movie made for modern day…only made very, very poorly.

Chris’s review:
I really only want to say 2 things about this movie and then I’ll let you be on your merry little way.

Thing 1:
This movie never figured out what it was trying to be, thus it sucked. The first 10 minutes are actually pretty good. You are introduced to Dad and Son, out fly fishing in non-descript beautiful river. We see some generic, though somewhat convincing interaction that brings us to believe Dad and Son may have their differences due to Son’s adolescents, but they still love each other and have a good relationship. Next, Dad and Son are driving home and are on the phone with Mom, enjoying some movie dialogue that shows us they are a happy family. Immediately they are rocked out of their happy movie life when Dad and Son’s car is decimated in a very shocking car accident that, surprisingly enough, was pulled off very well and had my feeling uncomfortable because it was rough to watch. After that though we are forced to sit though a movie with an identity crisis. Is it a remake of the Hitchcock thriller Rear Window? Is it a teen thriller with a teenage love story? Is it a drama about a teen dealing with the loss of his father? Apparently no one involved in the making of Disturbia ever answered those questions so it is a messy tossed salad of all the above.

Thing 2:
I’m confused about something in film. Why do good actors choose bad movies? By my estimation Shia LaBeouf has a deep, deep pool of talent and he will only continue to get better as he gets older. What he is doing in this terrible film is beyond my reasoning. I find it especially confusing after the last movie I saw him in: A Guide To Recognizing Your Saints (see the review in the archive). The kid is damned good and VERY above this sort of project. Taryn’s theory is that he is stuck in a bad age where he is too young for good quality roles, and too old to really fit in to these teenie flicks. I’m not sure I buy that completely, but it is the best theory I’ve heard.
Almost the same goes for David Morse, who plays the bad guy in the film. I don’t think he is quite on the leading man talent level of Shia, but he IS a very good character actor and is often found in movies he doesn’t belong in. I know you may not recognize his name, and thus, you probably don’t believe me that he is any good…but I submit to you the following list: The Rock, The Green Mile, 16 Blocks. Watch him in any of those films and you’ll agree that he is above playing the generic “creepy, possibly homicidal, next door neighbor.”

That’s all. Save your money and time.

Chris’s recommendations:
See this movie if…
-You are a group of 14 year old junior high kids with nothing better to do.
-You are on a mission to see every movie Shia LaBeouf is in because you, like Taryn and I, think he is pretty awesome and only getting more awesomerer.
-You’re not really going to watch it, so much as put it on in the background while you work on your model airplanes.

Don’t see this movie if…
-You’ve read this review.
-You aren’t able to shut it off after the first 10 minutes…the only 10 minutes that are worth watching.
-You want to retain some hope for Shia LaBeouf or David Morse’s careers.

Fracture 3/5 review by Chris (Joe)

More free prescreening fun thanks to 570 KLIF. Terrible radio station, great perks. Activate review, GO!

Fracture



-In theaters starting Friday-

IMDB synopsis:
An assistant DA (Gosling) is caught up in a game of cat-and-mouse with a man (Hopkins) who tried to murder his wife and is set free on a series of technicalities


Chris’s review:
Let me first expand on the synopsis a bit:
A hotshot assistant DA (Gosling), 2 weeks from a new job in a high paying private firm, is caught up in a game of cat-and-mouse with a brilliant and wealthy entrepreneur (Hopkins) who shot his wife for cheating on him then turns himself in only to reveal a carefully laid plan that leaves the deck stacked in his favor to be acquitted.

This is a very solid thriller. Nothing spectacular by any means, but it sticks to the playbook and even gives you a few good bonuses to make it a little better than average.

One of those bonuses would be the great Sir Anthony Hopkins. Think Hannibal Lecter but with less creepy dialogue, more quite calculation, and a healthy handful of humor instead of seedy threats. Immediately and throughout the film I found myself pulling for his character, despite him being the “bad guy.” Part of it was his charm, and part of it is the fact that its Anthony Hopkins.

Gosling is good, but not great. I’m not sure that I care for that guy yet, I need to see more from him. Half Nelson sucked, so that didn’t help his case.

Another bonus that steps above the typical thriller playbook is the dialogue. There are quite a few well written moments that lead to chuckles throughout the movie. This seems to be a new trend in the thriller genre. I have to say that I really like it. The brief “real people” moments that lighten the mood seem to help keep the movie from getting sucked in to it’s own heavy subject matter too deeply. This script was well written and light on it’s feet, so we you never felt bogged down or bored.

When all is said and done the twist is probably predictable for most of our reading audience (as you are all certified geniuses), but it is still pulled off well and satisfactory. As I said before, this is a solid thriller. You probably won’t run out and buy it the day it comes out on DVD, but you won’t feel like you wasted your time if you do take the time to watch it.

Chris’s recommendations:
See this movie if…
-You like Anthony Hopkins, as we all should.
-You are a fan of a good old fashion murder mystery thriller.
-Your name is Pete. Anyone named Pete will like this movie. I know that is a bold claim, but I’m pretty sure you can’t prove me wrong.

Don’t see this movie if…
-You thought the end of the Matrix 2 was some of the most brilliant movie writing ever and that the Architect was the smartest man (or computer man) alive. If you go see this movie (or most other movies) that actually ARE NOT completely moronic, your poor little, stupid head may explode.
-Murder makes you sad. This movie is about a murder, so you will be sad.
-I really don’t have any real reasons as to why not to see this movie, as you can see. It’s good…so if you want to see a movie, try this one. Or don’t, no skin off my back, jerk.

Aqua Teen hunger Force @/5 reviewed by Mike?

Sometimes, you see a movie, and it makes you really excited, and you want to drive your car super fast home from the theater, weaving in and out of traffic like a superhero on steroids. Sometimes, a movie makes you sad and you want to go into your bathtub and watch the blood drain from your arms and swirl downwards into the drain while you think to yourself that if you had been in Austraila, it would be swirling in the other direction. Or New Zealand. But really, if you were in New Zealand, how could you go through with it? That place is freakin' beatuiful, plus, it's where Aslan lives.

"Aqua Teen Hunger Force colon Movie Film For Theatres" is not either of those movies, but it has a similar power. This movie does to to your brain the same the thing that would happen if you injested 30 poounds of the finest marijuana after first drinking LSD like it was it was Mountain Dew at a Jr. High all-night video game marathon--featuring all the Mega Man games ever made, alternating with untranslated japanese RPGs. In other words, it's the best movie you've ever seen, but chances are, the morning after seeing it, you'll wake up, unable to remember that you even saw the film, with a hangover so bad you vomit out of your toenails, and, after doing so, you look next to you to find out you spent the night with a giant Ukranian priest who likes to wear "Powerpuff Girl" undergarments.

The first ten-15 minutes is the best comedy that has ever been on any screen ever in the universe throughout time, ever. I won't spoil it for you here. The rest of the film, although in some parts tries a little too hard to make sense, is pretty awesome. Maybe a bit slow in the middle, but they bring it back. Bruce Campbell, Space Ghost, and Neil Pert make awesome cameos. I don't really need to explain anything else--if you watch the TV show and love it, then you may have already seen this. But you probably loved it, as long as you didn't get pulled over afterwards for failure to maintain lane. If you've never seen the show, don't say I didn't warn you.

This movie will eat your pets and destroy your ability to feel. It will also make you never want to have children. In short, it's the best movie ever. Or the worst thing ever made and anyone with a hand in making it should be shot while hanging over a pit of mutant aligators on crack.

Enjoy!

Grindhouse 1.5/5 reviewed by Mike

If Quentin Tarantino is known for anything, it's for predictability and self indulgence, which is precisely what this movie is all about. If you can even call it a movie. If you haven't heard, this film is actually two films. In a weird mix of attempted spoof/tribute to the old drive in double-feature exploitation films of the 70s and 80s, this movie contains two movies: "Planet Terror" by Robert Rodriguez (Sin City) and then "Death Proof" by Tarantino. In between the films is a helping of trailers to movies they "wish" they had made. But for a movie that should be a big joke--a running time of well over 3 hours had me praying to God in heaven for this thing to end.

Planet Terror is about zombies and a chick with a gun for a leg, and the Death Proof is not really about much of anything--Kurt Russel kills some people with his car, and then some of his would be victims get some payback, but that only accounts for a small portion of that films screen time. It's all done in that stupid 70s/80s style. The film is "aged" (it looks all grainy and crappy) and the actors throw out any acting ability they ever had, there's an abundance of silly zooms, etc.

My guess as to what happened here is that Quentin and Robert were sitting around one day saying, hey wouldn't it be funny if... and then, instead of letting that remain a joke, they decided to actually make stupid movies. Normally, I tend to like ridiculous B-movie stuff (like gun-legs killing zombies) but the ridiculous length of this movie killed any enjoyment I might have gotten out of it. These things are hilarious concepts--But when you're forced to sit through hours and hours of what essentially is a funny concept and nothing more, all you can think about is all the other things you'd rather be doing with your time that would be more entertaining: eating, sitting on the couch, staring blankly at a wall...

Rodriguez's film is pretty funny in parts, but would have been genius if it was half as long. The second film (aside from being possibly the most boring piece of film I've ever seen) confirms everything I've ever thought about Tarantino: he's a complete hack. Now, just for the record, let me say: I really like Reservoir Dogs. I am entertained by his other films enough to watch them, but they're hardly anything to write home about. His "style" of taking old cliches and making them cliche again is hardly what I would call good filmmaking. "Death Proof" is the ultimate expression of cliche Tarantino. The entire plot is groups of girls sitting around having conversations about nothing in particular. Remember the opening conversation in Reservoir Dogs? Try sitting through two hours of that, except this time he casts some black people so he can use the "N" Word as much or more as the "F" word. The writing is abysmal, and he just can't stop quoting his own movies. It might be funny if another director makes a joke about a "Royal with cheese" but when Tarantino does it himself, it just shows off how he's only really made one original movie in his life.

The jokes keep getting reused and get old fast. In particular, the "missing reel" trick--basically whenever there's about to be a sex scene, there's all of a sudden a strange cut, and a message pops up that says, "Reel Missing." That's pretty funny the first time it happens. But it keeps happening... Like a bad episode of Family Guy, I kept waiting for it to be smart, but sadly it never rose above the level of self-parody, rather than intelligent parody or satire of it's source material.

The funniest thing about the film is the trailers for other movies (which were made by other directors, by the way). I have the feeling that if "Planet Terror" and "Death Proof" had stayed as trailers and not actual length movies, I would be laughing hysterically. Instead, I'm feeling like I got ripped off, even though I saw it for free.

All said and done, If this movie was 90 minutes or less, it would have been genius. Instead, it's an inane pile of self-indulgent inside jokes passed off as something creative. Rent it if you absolutely must see the few funny parts, but please, don't subject yourself to this.