The Invincible Iron Man 2/5 reviewed by Ben

There's something you need to keep in mind when viewing this movie. It's an animated super-hero movie marketed for younger folk about a guy in giant mechanical armor. Don't expect "Eternal Sunshine" from a film like this. This film is silly. Thats what you get when you choose to watch a movie called "The Invincible Iron Man."

Iron Man is the latest in Marvel's direct-to-DVD animated line, following the no-too-great showings of the 2 Ultimate Avengers movies. This one follows the rise of Tony Stark, a.k.a. "Iron Man," (who ironically never goes by that name in the film) and his battle against the evil Mandarin.



Sort of. There are enormous problems with the plot of this movie, most notably the fact that this super hero is hardly heroic or super. Attempts are made early in the film at character development (including one steamingly awesome hot tub scene with a red-head) but the character doesn't go anywhere. There's no character arc, no ideal he must learn, you know stuff thats usually standard fare for super hero movies. The love story kinda comes out of left field, and the father/son struggle is hinted at but never explored. This film committs a sin thats becoming all too common in super-hero flicks: the bad guys don't seem bad. Mandarin himself barely makes an appearance in the film. The bulk of the time is spent fighting his minions who are trying to ressurect him, and why he's such a bad dude is hardly explored. I just never got why Tony cared about stopping this guy, and why everyone just accepts the giant elemental robots that are flying around destroying stuff. The last fight was so emotionally dead to me--he's fighting this giant elemental monster that's possessing this naked chick. So you don't care about the monster guy since you've never seen him before this scene, you don't care about beating him, and the scene that should be tense and full of peril becomes a "will I get to see boobs?" moment. Of course, the scene bends physics enormously to ensure that you don't get to see the boobs, and it just becomes silly.

Remember--you chose to watch a movie called "the Invincible Iron Man."

It just feels unfocused. There's lots of good elements (no pun intended, since some of the baddies are the afore mentioned elemental robots that will remind you of either The 5th Element or Captain Planet) but they don't come together into a solid story with character development. Hear me when I say this: I'm willing to believe the most outlandish things in a sci-fi superhero flick, as long as the emotions the characters are experiencing are real and correct for the situation. Spider-Man would be a good example of this. Crazy stuff happening, but real emotions at the core of it. That's what makes it cool, and what makes Peter Parker relatable. Iron Man however, isn't. The emotions seem forced for the situation, just to forward the plot. Hopefully the plot won't upset too many hard-core Iron Man fans. Gigantic liberties are taken with the origin story (neither the original nor the Ultimate origins are followed), which turns out not to be an origin story at all. *SPOILER ALERT* When they revealed that Tony had been just building all these suits for years just for fun, it really took the breath out of the origin story. What? He's had these for years? Well, why? and why hasn't he been using them? And how can SHIELD agents be THAT stupid? There's just a lot of sillyness that I can't overlook.

Remember the title. You chose this.

The film looks ok, except the glaring differences between the CGI and 2-D animation really distract. They both look fine in and of themselves (the physics in the CGI sequences seem a little off--the figures have no weight to them) but trying to mix them just doesn't work. I think the only cartoon to successfully blend CGI and 2-D is Futurama, and even that gets wierd at times. It's not bad, but it's one of those situations where you can't even say that the effects make it worth watching, because they don't.

All said and done, it's not horrible, and if I was 10 years old, I'd probably love the film. One can only hope that Marvel will start releasing some more movies that are actually entertaining for adults as well, and living up to some of their comics. If you want to see Iron Man in a much better role, check out "The Ultimates," by Mark Millar and Bryan Hitch, or the brilliant "Ultimate Iron Man" mini-series by renowed novelist Orson Scott Card.

See this movie if:
-You're a big Iron Man fan, and can overlook some of the problems to see your hero in action
-You're pretty young and haven't yet developed the elitism that keeps me from enjoying movies like this

Don't see this movie if:
-You already are skeptical of Super-hero or animated films
-You've been waiting for a really well made Iron Man movie because you love the character. This isn't it.
-You're expecting the well-developed character from "The Ultimates"
-You're expecting Marvel to meet the high bar set by DC's animated stuff with Bruce Timm (Justice League, Batman: TAS, etc.)

In Case You Missed It: The Illusionist 2/5 reviewed by Corey

Tragedy struck Tuesday night as Corey and two of his friends took a routine trip to the dollar theatre. My plan all day was to see The Prestige after hearing so many wonderful things about it. On the way over, I was, much to my dismay, informed that the movie was sold out. The Illusionist looked like it had potential. Edward "I Can Do No Wrong To Humanity" (probably somehow, ironically, related to Christopher Nolan), Paul Giamatti in a critically acclaimed magician movie. I was excited.

Chris already reviewed this movie, so I want this to be obvious: The Illusionist is NOT a good movie. The Illusionist is a BAD movie. When I tell people of Ed Norton's brilliance (and I will continue to do so), I will not mention The Illusionist.

This is a critically acclaimed piece of crap. The plot is boring and recycled: guy and girl are childhood friends and lovers, guy and girl get separated, guy and girl meet again but cannot be together. Wake me when something happens that I haven't seen.

I RARELY fall asleep in a movie, and I began to really drift around an hour or so in. I would have left had so many people not been in there with me. The actors and actresses seem bored, the script is worthy of ritual suicide, loaded with cliché and melodrama. But the real turn of the knife comes with the "twist" ending. It's bad enough I could care less what happened to the characters, but The Usual Suspects is a fine film, one of the greatest of our time, and an absolute joy to watch unfold. To steal a final scene as blatantly and unashamedly as The Illusionist did has to break some sort of film law. Even the camera angles seem familiar.

The critics loved this movie, and, for the first time in a LONG time, I'm completely and totally oblivious to that fact. This received a 2 because I believe Norton took the paycheck from this film and put it towards his production and direction of Motherless Brooklyn. Which, if he's directing and starring in it, will probably be a much better film.

You may be tempted by friend or foe to rent this. There are a lot of copies sitting on the shelves and probably a lot of nice quotes on the back of the box. Do yourself a favor. Get something else.

SEE this if...
-In all honesty, I can't think of a single reason. Maybe if you enjoy being disappointed?

DONT see this if...
-You like Ed Norton or Paul Giamatti.
-You can only see one magician movie that was made in 2006 and featured a cast full of potential. I think I saw the wrong one.

Children of Men 5/5 reviewed by Corey

"This is an extraordinary artistic breakthrough from a Mexican director who was already fearlessly good to begin with." - Boston Globe

"[Children of Men] offers inventive energy, ferocious intelligence, and yet, affirmation of life against the most calamitous circumstances." -Newsday

"The most deeply imagined and fully realized world to be seen on screen this year, not to mention bravura sequences that bring to mind names like Orson Welles and Stanley Kubrick." -Washington Post

"[Children of Men] is a gratifying sign that big studios are still occasionally in the business of making ambitious, intelligent work that speaks to adults." -New York Times

--

I can't get the pictures to work...

I had the privilege of seeing Alfonso Cuarón's Children of Men this morning at 10:30 at Cinemark at Legacy and can say, without any shadow of a doubt, that this is one of the best films that I have ever seen.

I'll keep this relatively short, because my point is really quite simple. The film is set in England in the year 2027. Through means unknown, women are no longer fertile. Chaos runs rampant. Theodore Faron, an ex-activist, is asked a favor for a friend and, upon deliverance, stumbles upon a most unbelievable circumstance: a young woman is about to give birth to the first child in eighteen years. If she can make it to the coast, she may have a chance to get the baby to safety and humanity may be able to start anew.

The film is gripping and wildly imaginative. I sat there trying to take everything in and probably missed half of it. It's simultaneously beautiful and ugly, awe-inspiring and disgusting. It's violent and gorgeous. It's apocalyptic and epic in the same vein as 28 Days Later.

Sci-fi fans and anyone who liked 12 Monkeys, Blade Runner, Brazil and V For Vendetta (Hankins, I'm freakin' talkin' to you here.) will eat this thing up. It's got a political sense to it and a sting of social commentary.

Try not to laugh when you hear the "My cousin. Your barber. His co-worker. Illegal immigration. It's against the law." advertisement on the bus. Pink Floyd fans, watch for the Animals album art reference. Laugh at the "Pull my finger" joke in the car. Soak it all in.

The direction is stunning: a particular 10-minute steadycam shot in the middle of a warzone, done in one take, stands out as one of the best sections of any movie I've seen. Clive Owen (Inside Man, Sin City) turns in the performance of his life as, first, a reluctant tag-along, then a decidedly protective hero. Michael Caine (Batman Begins, The Prestige) is hilarious and touching as an old hippy.

The film has a huge heart and is often laugh-out-loud funny. The script is tight and well-written. The score, particularly during the warzone and birth sequences, is spot-on. I could go on and on and on...

Mike Hankins, go watch it now.

SEE this movie if...
-You want to see a movie.

DONT see this movie if...
-...

In Case You Missed It: The Descent 3/5 by Corey

I have been searching for a horror movie so scary that it keeps me up late at night, days after the first viewing. I have been searching for a film so scary that I buy it on DVD in order to own it and then, when I put it into my DVD player, never get past the main menu. I have been searching for a genuinely terrifying horror film.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is as close as I'll probably get.

I saw a brief TV spot for The Descent quite a while back (before it hit theatres) and decided I would see it on the big screen. When that fell through, I decided I would rent it and watch it alone in my house in the dark in order to "get the full effect." Christmas rolled around and I managed to snag a hefty Target gift card. I bought the Alien Trilogy (Resurrection? What Resurrection?...), Casablanca, and The Descent.

I have this striking feeling that, even as I'm writing this review, if I had never seen the TV spot and seen the movie in theatres, you would be reading a 5/5 review right now.

The Descent's Unrated Cut is one of the (very) rare DVDs that actually detracts from the film. The Unrated Cut includes the original extended UK ending, which is significantly different than the US ending. And, for once, I much rather would have only seen the cut US version. The ending to the UK version is more of a "twist" (which, let's be honest, isn't really throwing any of us for a loop anymore) than I had hoped for and, unfortunately, is the ending that plays when you throw the disc in. If only I had known...

You probably won't recognize a single cast member as all the major characters are fairly young women who haven't had much big-name experience in the past. This works well for the movie because it never intends to be like the average slasher/horror flick. There is no random sexuality, no random drug references, no random Japanese weird crap. The film follows a group of women who go on a little spelunking (cave-exploring, you idiot) adventure that sucks hard. The pacing is great, reminiscent of the original Alien. The same goes for the lack of music. The monsters take a long time to come into play, but when they do, you'll know.

The gore here is shocking. Let me say this now so that everyone can be sure of it: if you feel at all uneasy about graphic gore, do not see The Descent. If you had trouble stomaching any of the Saw movies, do not see The Descent. If you didn't like the Texas Chainsaw remake not because it was produced by Michael Bay (don't even get me started) but because it was too violent, do not see The Descent.

I'm of the opinion that, whenever the opportunity presents itself, a Michael Bay jab cannot be turned down.

It's claustrophobic and dark (as in lighting) and will join the ranks as one of the most intense movies I've seen. The press managed, however, to give away one of the greatest parts of the movie in the trailer, which is a huge bummer. I wish the movie had been marketed without the monsters and without giving away their first appearance in every trailer and TV spot. Somehow, the creatures feel more real than in most horror movies, which I welcomed with open arms considering the last "scary" movie I saw had an old man with a soapbox to stand on and some lame torture devices.

This review feels more like a rant on the media than anything at this point. Without the revealing trailers and the original ending, The Descent is a great film. It's violent, incredibly atmospheric and an absolute blast to watch. It probably won't keep you up for days, but it scared the crap out of me while I was watching it and the jump scares (the window scene gets me every freakin' time) are really strong.

It deserves every bit of the hype it got and, in reality, is one of the best horror movies of the past ten years. The 3/5 is based on my experience of the film and I won't be surprised at all if yours differs tremendously. Unfortunately, I haven't yet found my horror film to buy and never watch again. I just can't help thinking this COULD have been it...

SEE this if...
-You always thought Gollum from LotR looked like he could do some serious damage if he really wanted to.
-You like scary movies but haven't been very impressed with the Japanese crap populating the theatres. (The Ring, The Grudge, Pulse)
-You never saw a trailer for it and you enjoy scary movies. Go rent it now and watch it tonight.

DON'T see this if...
-You haven't seen Alien or Aliens yet. They're better, similar in style, and should take priority.
-You had trouble understanding what the guys (except Mickey) were saying in Snatch. The accents are a little hard to get used to at first.
-You just came from Red Lobster with your date and want a good movie to hold hands with. You'll throw up and that's just not attractive anymore.

Eragon 0/5 reviewed by Ben

Let's get a few things straight right off the bat: 1)This is the most generous I have ever been in my scoring. 2)Eragon is, by definition, not a movie. It's a bunch of moving pictures on a screen, but you can't call this a movie. 3) I've never walked out on anything, ever, with the exception of Clerks. Even windtalkers I sat all the way through. But I couldn't do more than 48 minutes of this Eragon.

Let's start with the plot. Stop me if you've heard this one before: A lonely farm boy (luke?), lives with his uncle (Owen?), until said uncle is killed by an evil army (stormtroopers?) that works for the evil empire (the evil empire?). So young farm boy looks into the sunset for a while, and goes off and joins up with a wise old man/mentor (Obi Wan?) who knows a lot about the old way of things--back when there were things called dragon riders (Jedi?), before the dark times, when one of the dragon riders (anakin?) betrayed them and took over the land...

I'm not kidding. It's the EXACT plot from Star Wars, down to recreating certain shots. And say what you will about Lucas, but at least he understood some basic shooting techniques like shooting a scene in the same time of day, or having establishing shots to show location, etc. Eragon doesn't have those things--it's like you took a sugar-hyped toddler, gave him a camera, then gave him a crew of infants who all had cancer, and then asked them to make a movie of one of the best-selling fantasy novels out there right now.

For example: It starts off with a scene where a fight (sort of) is happening between two people in the woods. Then we cut to Eragon (we assume) in the woods hunting. But there are no establishing shots whatsoever. I thought they were in the same woods, since its constantly cutting back and forth between the fight and Eragon hunting. Both in identical sections of woods. Lo and behold, these events are miles and miles apart, but you would never know. It was a full nine minutes into the film before there was a single establishing shot to give you a sense of where you were. The time problems are horrendous. There was seriously one scene where this progression took place: It's the middle of the night--change angle--middle of a cloudless afternoon with bright sun--change angle--pouring down rain at twilight--change angle--cloudless sky in the middle of the hot sun again. I'd say there are logic problems but the whole story is a gigantic logic problem. Some things are explained 3 or 4 times till you're sick of it, and other things that need to be explained are never mentioned. You're treated to the single worst opening narration ever concieved of. It made me want to vomit all over my popcorn--then, a few minutes in, everything the narrator said is explained again (badly) at least 3 times. But other things are never mentioned or explained, like when Eragon all of a sudden starts using magic. He knows powerful attack magic? Shouldn't that have, you know, come up in conversation at least by now?

The acting is abysmal. This stupid kid gives Hayden Christensen a run for his money in the "I'm a stupid whiny kid" department. I mean, look at that picture. It's like a sniveling 2-year old just got his toy train taken from him. Malkovitch (who has a lot of dailouge for someone who isn't in the book at all) sounds like he's just constantly thinking about the paycheck, as do the rest of the cast. Only Jeremy Irons appears to know what this film really is: he's making fun of the movie in subtle ways that the director wasn't smart enough to pick up on. The score is disgusting, the script is terrifying... And I've barely scratched the surface of how bad this thing is. I've seen movies used for Mystery Science Theatre 3000 that were better made movies than this, and that is NOT an exaggeration.

Like I said, I only made it through about 50 minutes, and it physically upset me. I felt like I had just thrown up, but not in a good way, where you feel like you've got something out of your system, but in the bad way, like your body's just been through a terrible trauma, and it isn't done dealing with it yet. The worst part is I feel really bad for the writer of the novels, because this is the worst thing that could happen to him. There is no way anyone will read his book after seeing this. I was very interested in reading them at first, but now there is no way on this Earth or in the supernatural world that I will pick up those books, because the thought of Eragon makes my nervous system want to cut itself with a dirty razor in the bathtub.

Don't you dare see this--if you liked the book, this movie only barely resembles it. If you haven't read the book, this thing only barely resembles a movie anyways. This is a movie only Osama Bin Laden should be forced to watch. Don't subject yourself to it, please--there's so much to live for!

See this movie if:
-you're a war criminal being tortured by the CIA. And then only if you've killed lots of people
-you liked "Windtalkers."

Don't see this movie if:
-You have a pulse
-You like fantasy stories
-You like living